I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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