Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
