walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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