I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
