I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
