Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
