I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize