My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
