This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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