We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
