My pussy is not your playground.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
