I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
not ubering you a puppy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
