I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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