i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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