Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Randomize
