the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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