I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
