Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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