Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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