yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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