i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize