I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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