do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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