Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
