It's Friday. Sex?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
