my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
