the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
