My friends, they love my intelligence
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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