my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
