My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How's work?
Spinning.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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