I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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