guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
