Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
