I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
