I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
