My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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