So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
