I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
