she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
