The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
