just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
