I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
