I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
