some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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