I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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