I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it's like iHOP with fire
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
