Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
did you just send me my own nude
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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