Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
