I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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