I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The power of my boobs compel you
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