i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
