Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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