I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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