so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
