her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
