Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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