my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
