I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
