his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
