from now on my penis is your penis
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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