i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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