Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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