I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
