You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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