ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
