The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
