i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
