Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
