Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize