How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
